If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
