part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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