Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
