guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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