why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
