I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
