Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
