What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
