Im at strip club and am horny
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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