Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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