Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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