I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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