i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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