hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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