Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
