I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
try to milk me bitch
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