either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
