Define "chronic" masturbator.
no, he came in my armpit
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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