Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
