you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
