I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
