That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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