how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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