My cat gives me a boner
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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