Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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