Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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