i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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