I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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