how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
one might say we're banned from that church
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
