the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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