well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
