its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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