1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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