You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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