Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
