The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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