Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Panties = found
Randomize
