I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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