when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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