just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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