I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
