I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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