So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
