i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
