I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
