Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
