i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
