Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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