Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If that was your dad, he is hot
I will die if light touches me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
