Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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