yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
