weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
